Poem!~~!~!? - ver bang bus enlinea
Here is my poem, I know I need help and rhyme, but U need to see, very very very honest! the first and the third line must rhyme (if) and sometimes not even thank you plz help!
My Hero
Black, hairy knob
Long black hair, he looks like a girl
Whenever I see fills me with joy
Bang! My feelings are used throughout the world
I am filled with warmth, pain, and think about the past
Sometimes I feel my heart is torn
It can make tears in the face Splashdown
He made the stars shine in the eyes
I think it has even replaced Mae
Not the best model, as shown
It makes me laugh and look outside the box
But there is always an open ear to the need for
He taught me everything I know
He raised me and was like a father
When you are asked, my heart lights
My brother
My hero
is like no other
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Ver Bang Bus Enlinea Poem!~~!~!?
5 comments:
"A black, unkempt beard
Help, my own show heroes
Whenever I see fills me with joy
My feelings are used throughout the world
It fills me with warmth, pain, and think about the past
Sometimes I feel my heart is torn
It can make the tears on my face
He made the stars shine in the eyes
He alone can never replace
Not the best model, as shown
It makes me laugh and think differently
I know it takes time to listen
He taught me everything I need to know
He raised me and was like a father
When you call my heart is only
My brother
My hero
Like no other. "
I have tried to adapt your poem flows better. For me, the tempo is more important, so I always end the majority of his rhymes. He gave the sound its syllables. This is the best thing I can do to try to preserve its integrity. In the second row of the first stanza is my tool to the reader in the beginning of the message and provide a pleasant conclusion.
shining tears on my face
that makes stars shine in the eyes
Sometimes I have replaced the feeling
sounds good enough to fit in
For the last line is
"My brother
My Hero
There is no other "
and can be written for the second stanza
"Smash my feelings fly out of me
The is more than the time it is clear
My heart is relieved by the conclusion of horrible memories. "
I'm not saying you should change because I think your poem is very even.
Well ... Sentimental and very personal.
I think it's best to adjust these things, instead of adding up the individual features, if we want to be appreciated by the masses (which, of course not, because you posted here and asked ...)
Not everyone likes what we are with our lover or issues that concern them, or understand why we love what we do ...
Poetry is the freedom of expression, but ... If you want people to be loved and to interact with her friend and used as a model for a simplified and generic version of Mc Dreamy, cloudy, dark man, brooding fall in love with every girl at least once in their lives. ..
Their feelings and their descriptions are too personal here. and the intention to get little danger, because people want to make a big deal out of it, see it, or can not ignore the importance and should take to maintain their focus on consequences. Since the writing itself is good or not ...
But all the girls canrefer to want Johnny Depp kind of dream! The mistakes and everything is good!
long black hair makes him look like a lady? maybe?
But it's part to play!
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